[I was walking at night and thought of going into bars, just sit down alone and have a drink with friendly, absent strangers around me. I realized, of course, that it was a bad joke. Strangers are rarely absent and friendly in a sanitary, disinterested way, they never mind their own business. There’s nobody around me for a long time, it’s GhostVille for I don’t know how long, didn’t notice before. I’m gonna do it. I can’t fix the date, 'cause that would be hilarious. Otherwise, it will be just me, in a disgusting new skin, wrinkled around the mouth; I see no “benefits” and hidden joys in being like that. I know it’s just a new interface; it’s just that I wouldn’t want to have anything to do with it. Like: ME talking to other heads. Me developing affection that lasts for 2 weeks, tops. Me melting while 30-something-guy is telling me, after he’s had a few drinks, that he’s depressed and will spend New Year’s Eve alone – I can’t help feeling sorry for him, even though I know my compassion is useless.
(My head of metal is digging my own hole. I don't like it like that, who likes to fall.)
I know what it will be like: just another mess, ‘however old and wise’: stories that didn’t help me in any way. Blurred blackish water in which I can’t distinguish anything. Wasted biological information, the Earth revolves around its axis. Tunes from a radio that I’d hear sometimes louder and high-pitched, sometimes mumbling as if from under water.]
1 comment:
I worked during the early 90's as a dancer at several go-go bars in Bay City. My look and personality were obviously very special by their go-go bar standards... Nowadays I am realizing I need to decide what I want to be when I grow up before I am dead. Although I am usually a fraud, I am honest about it. I am generally happily medicated. I believe everything that I am told, let me live vicariously through you
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